Six Months after Saying Goodbye: An Update

September 14, 2009

Dear Friends and Family,

Trini created this blog to keep you updated on her journey. She has been gone six months and this is an update as we continue on this journey without her.

First, Thank you to all of you for your kind words of encouragement, food, flowers, visits, cards, prayers, monetary donations and thoughtfulness. We are grateful to each of you. As a family, we continue to grieve, but the comfort of others is a tremendous source of strength.


Because Trini would have started with Luke so will I:

Luke completed fourth grade at Redeemer Lutheran School. It was a bit of a challenge. You see, Trini was always the one who kept up with assignment due dates and school happenings. Without her, a few things got mixed up, but with help from Aunt Tori, Brett and an understanding teacher, the year ended with everything completed.


I am pleased to report that Luke has returned to Redeemer this fall thanks to a scholarship and some generous donations from friends at Redeemer. This was very important to Trini and we were all happy to get this news early in the summer.


Luke had a busy summer. In June, he went with Grandma and Pop Pop (Warner) to Atlanta to spend a week with Aunt Traci, Uncle Steve and Cousins Ryan, Mazie and Malori. He spent a few weeks at Environmental Camp. Brett and Luke went on a cruise with some friends. They said good bye to the Kelly’s who moved to California, traveled to Tennessee to visit Brett’s parents who are spending the summer there, and started football practice.


Brett was able to visit his friend Barry out west while Luke was in Atlanta. Unfortunately thieves broke into Quality Golf Carts in early May and 12 carts were stolen. The police have no leads. As you may recall Brett had neck surgery earlier this year. He has recovered well and is playing golf again. You’ll have to ask him if it has improved his game. Brett and other members of the family post on Facebook.

We had a balloon launch at the beach to remember Trini’s birthday, May 3. Purple and white balloons floated off into a beautiful blue sky as the waves washed onto the sand. Trini loved the beach. We were reminded again how much we miss our sister, daughter, mother, wife and friend.


As time marches on we seek ways to keep Trini’s memory close, we also try to push the grief farther away – each in our own way.

My parents enjoy having Luke over often. He and Grandma go to the movies, bake brownies, play baseball, ride the scooter, talk about his Mom and take care of necessary things like going to the dentist and walking the dogs.

Terri is training for a Marathon in February that is a fund raiser for breast cancer. If you would like to learn more please follow Terri Childer’s link at breastcancermarathon.com.

Although the words to this song cause me to cry it also brings me comfort. I know one day I will be reunited with my sister in heaven.

Sincerely,

Tami

God and Time


I know you wished that you had been there to say goodbye
I know you wished that you could turn back the hands of time
I know the pain of loss you're feelin' is almost more than you can bear
But let me give you hope in despair


All you need is God and time
To heal your broken heart
God and time
To lift you up from where you are
I don't have all the answers to all your questions why
All I know is all you really need is God and time


Only God can truly understand how His healing works
And how he uses time in our lives to overcome our hurts
But one thing you can be sure of He is not surprised
By anything that happens in your life


All you need is God and time
To heal your broken heart
God and time
To lift you up from where you are
I don't have all the answers to all your questions why
All I know is all you really need is God and time


I know this side of heaven we may never understand
But we can trust the heart of God
And know we're always in His hands


All you need is God and time
To heal your broken heart
God and time
To lift you up from where you are
I don't have all the answers to all your questions why
All I know is all you really need is God and time

Trini Warner Hartley

Trini Lyn Warner was born May 3, 1970. The fifth daughter born to Bud and Barbara Warner, she was the baby of the family.

She had green eyes, freckles, beautiful skin and a friendly disposition from the beginning. While an infant the family moved to Burnt Hills, New York where Trini lived until she graduated from High School in 1988.

Trini excelled as an athlete, playing soccer, baseball and basketball. She enjoyed being involved in many extracurricular activities, always making time for friends and having fun. She had a "can do" spirit that served her well all her life.

In 1990, she moved to Florida to be closer to her parents and worked for Treasure Coast Surgical Group, Dr. James Vopal, West Marine, Bridges Montessori and the Ginn Company. Always described as a hard worker with a positive attitude, she was selected by her co-workers to present the Kelly Jo Dowd Championship trophy at the Ginn Open in 2008.

Trini fell in love and married Brett Hartley November 26, 1994. Their son Luke was born in 1998. The pride of her life, Luke gave her the reason she needed to keep fighting when the pain and discomfort of cancer seemed more than she could bear.

In 2007, with her four sisters, Terri, Tami, Tori and Traci, she walked 60 miles in 3 days. Collectively they raised $20,000 for Susan G. Komen for the Cure, because everyone deserves a lifetime.

Trini will be remembered for an easy smile that brightened any room, a laugh to soften the hardest of times, her compassion for others and the grace with which she handled adversity.

This brief biography was included in the program from the memorial service.

Memorial Video

This video remembers Trini Warner Hartley, who she was, and why she meant so much to us.

Some of the roles and words used by people to describe Trini included athlete, daughter, sister, friend, girlfriend, wife, mother, mom, infectious laughter, warm hearted, courageous, inspiring, loving and unforgettable.


This video was presented at Trini's memorial service March 17, 2009.

Eulogy by Bill Bliss

Good Evening everyone. Many of us don’t know each other, but what we have in common is special and a blessing. We had the joy of having Trini in our lives. My name is Bill Bliss. I pray the words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart bring honor to you, God, and to the memory of my friend Trini Warner Hartley.

I had the privilege of working with Trini at the Ginn Company for the past few years. We were together when the times were good and not so good. Challenging times are often inexplicable and we often wonder why we have to go through them. Depending on the people involved, they can bring you closer together. When Trini was involved, she brought us ALL closer together. That is what I have been asked to share about.

Six years ago, I lost my oldest brother Ted to brain cancer. Barbara and Bud, I grieve for you as I have my mom. Terri, Tami, Tori, and Traci, we share that feeling of not knowing what to say to Mom and Dad. We also share what seems like an unfillable void in the loss of a sibling. I am not going to pretend I have anything to say that will make things better.

But, I will say “Thank You.” Thank you for Trini. Thank you for raising a woman who had an endless capacity to love and serve those in her life.

There is a line in the greatest book ever written that states the greatest among you is the servant of all. Trini was truly great. She is truly greater than the man addressing you right now. As her family, I want you all to know the single most rewarding aspect of all of my time at the Ginn Company -- and pretty much my entire life -- was the gift I was given in the powerfully courageous, loving woman you called daughter and sister. I will never be the same. We are all here to honor her tonight. I truly hope the love that is in this room comforts you and gives you a peace that surpasses all understanding.

In an inescapably tough real estate market, Trini was tasked with supporting a group of Type A, want-it-like-they-want-it, get-it-done-now personalities. Like most families, we drove each other crazy. Trini was the glue that kept it all together.

On top of many other things, Trini was tasked to handle their reservations, arrival, accommodations, collecting money, etc. We always had issues. The lights don’t work; the remote is on the fritz; where’s the bottle of wine; who slept in here last night; I can’t find the cheese tray, Uhh..there is a bunny floating in the pool. What do you do? You call Trini. She answered her phone every time often answering, “What’s wrong?”

Before the explanation was finished, she was already heading to her car, usually at night, to fix the problem. She never uttered a complaint. She never let you feel you were inconveniencing her. Whatever it took, she willingly did.

She was battling something that would ultimately take her away from all of us. Yet she was the brightest spot in that whole place. She was the one with the best attitude and disposition. She made us all better. Still… she challenges me. Still… she blesses me. Still… she humbles me.

Brett, Trini loved being married to you. We shared a conversation one day about not being able to imagine our lives without our spouses and how thankful we were for a peaceful marriage. How grateful we were to have what many, unfortunately, never get to share. She knew she was loved.

Brett, just the fact that your wife uttered those words make me admire you. I want to thank you for your strength of character. Thank you for making my friend feel special and valued. You made her feel loved because you had the courage to
tell her and show her. You got it right, my man. I want to acknowledge you and your wonderful title of husband.

Young Luke, you have heard me speak of what a gift your mama was to me – to us -- at Ginn. There are no truer words I could speak to you. Except, that you were her gift. You brought her a joy that she treasured. I spoke earlier about her smile and how it brightened a room. When she spoke about you, her smile was so different. It was so much brighter. There was no comparison. She cherished you and your sweet spirit. I loved hearing the pride in her voice when she spoke about you. I looked for any excuse to leave my office, so I could just go hang out with your mom in her office. You always came up. There was no prouder mama in the whole world. My words will not express my gratitude for her place in my life. Thank you for sharing your mama with me and all of us.

I want to share one story from Trini’s blog: “Trini, I was so happy to see you that day when you recognized me in your rear view mirror. You got out of your car, ran over to my car and tapped on my window and gave me a hug. It made my day. You always bring a smile to my face.” What a perfect description of Trini.

I pray that as you leave here tonight, you can take something with you that Trini gave to all she touched. That is a care for others that exceeded her care for herself even in the midst of her storm. What a gift she had. The most beautiful thing about her is that she gave that gift freely with no expectation of anything being given back.

I want to close with a quote many of you have probably heard before. St Francis of Assisi encouraged all of us to, “Go out into all the world and preach the gospel. Use words when necessary.” Being in full time ministry for about five years, I have heard a lot of pastors speak and a lot of sermons preached. I truly don’t know if I have ever heard a better sermon preached than the one Trini lived.

Eulogy by Barry Kelley

Good evening, my name is Barry Kelley. I have thought long and hard about what I would say tonight about Trini, but the only logical place to start is from the beginning.
About 10 years ago, I needed to hire a new assistant to help me in the regional office for West Marine. I had placed an ad and received literally hundreds of applications and resumes. After 15 or more interviews, I was unable to find just the “right” person. I went back into the stack and found a resume I had missed with a unique first name: Trini Hartley. Little did I know at the time that something very special was about to happen.
After a phone call setting up a time for an interview, we met the next day. I have interviewed and hired more than 1000 employees over the years, so I am an experienced interviewer with a strategy for hiring. The next day started as normal until Trini arrived.
We spoke for a few minutes and started the interview. Little did she know I had already made up my mind in the first five minutes, but I felt obliged to go through the process, for effect if nothing else. I was ready to hire her on the spot, which I never do. That would be against the rules. Something inside said that would be a mistake and somebody else might hire her. To say she made a great first impression would be an understatement. I called her just a few hours after she had left my office and offered her the job. Luckily, for West Marine, my family, and me she said “Yes.”
She quickly became a valuable member of the team and everyone liked her instantly. That was the beginning of our 10-year friendship.
While we worked together, I met Brett, and like Trini, I liked him instantly. Luke was just a little guy at the time, but, boy, could you see both Trini and Brett in him.
I will never forget the day she walked into my office a few years later and I could tell something was wrong. With a sad heart, and a few tears she told me she was thinking about giving her two week notice, but was not sure if it was the right thing to do. She asked for my advice. She gave me the details of a great opportunity at Bridges Montessori School where she would be able to spend more time with her son Luke. That meeting in my office was a tough one. After a long and emotional chat, we both decided that the time with her son outweighed her emotions on leaving a job she truly enjoyed and was great at. Trini’s dedication to her son Luke and loving husband Brett have always been her top priority.
As Trini moved on to a new career, a stronger relationship had grown between the Hartley’s and the Kelley’s. The two families had become quite fond of each other.
Over the next eight years, rarely a weekend has gone by where we did not get together for a family barbeque, a dinner out, or a trip to the sandbar on the boat. One thing is for sure, we found every restaurant from Port St. Lucie to Palm City. By now, the two families had almost become one.
One thing you may not know about Trini is that she can perform miracles. I know this because I saw it with my own eyes. On one of our many family trips to the Keys, we were out on the boat at Molasses Reef, which is about 6 miles off the coast of Key Largo. The day was perfect.
My daughter Kristine and Trini were snorkeling near the boat and had their eye on a small reef shark well below them. We were in about 15 feet of water. Trust me, there was no threat, but they were both quite nervous. Much closer to the boat were multiple small reef fish giving the two families a great snorkeling experience. Brett and I were on the boat at the time and came up with a great idea. That should be your first clue we were up to no good.
We decided that Trini and Kristine needed the small reef fish a bit closer to them so they could experience the Keys snorkeling. We both took a hand full of chips, crushed them up in our hands and threw them towards the two girls. Within 2 seconds, over 100 small, harmless reef fish surrounded both Kristine and Trini. One even jumped on Trini’s back to get to the chips. Okay, here comes the miracle. Just then, Trini rose up from the water, and with two quick bounds was back on board in a matter of seconds. Yes, my friends, Trini Hartley can walk on water.
Once back on board, both Brett and I were laughing like two school kids. Trini, on the other hand, gave us both one of her famous tongue-lashings, which we both deserved. Kristine had a few choice words to say as well,but within a few minutes we were all laughing and amazed that we had witnessed a miracle. Trust me, Trini is looking down from heaven right now with a smile on her face and maybe a few looks at Brett. We have talked about that day many times, as well as many other memorable trips.
I am not surprised at all at how many people loved being around Trini and wanted to come celebrate her life, albeit, far too short. She was a wonderful daughter, sister, wife, mother, friend and valued employee. No matter what your relationship, you were blessed with her being part of your life. Whether it was her infectious laugh, quick wit, her smile or presence that could light up a room, the love we all had for Trini will be imbedded in our hearts and minds.
As tough as this day is, I do have one consolation. She touched all our lives and we are all better for it. I know we will all remember her in our own special way and how she touched our lives. For me though, I will always remember Trini, who I loved dearly, as my friend who “walked on water.”

Obituary

PORT ST. LUCIE - Trini Warner Hartley, 38, of Port St. Lucie passed away March 12th, 2009 at The Treasure Coast Hospice Residence, in Stuart.

Born in Apalachin, New York she has resided here for the past 17 years, moving here from Burnt Hills, New York. She was the Office Manager for Ginn Company, in Port St. Lucie.

She graduated from State University of New York at Cobleskill & was a member of Hope Lutheran Church, Port St. Lucie. She was a board member of Pink Tie Friends & a member of the PTO at Redeemer Lutheran School, in Stuart.

Surviving is her husband of 15 years, Brett Hartley, of Port St. Lucie; her son, Luke Hartley, of Port St. Lucie; her parents, Bud & Barbara Warner, of Port St. Lucie; her paternal grandmother, Mildred Woodring, of Williamsport, PA; her maternal grandmother, Betty Machanic, of Port St. Lucie; and her 4 sisters: Terri Childers, of Duluth, GA.; Tami Johnson, of Midland, MI; Tori Warner, of Port St. Lucie; Traci Switzer, of Atlanta, GA.

Memories & condolences may be made at trinihartley.blogspot.com. An online guest book may be signed at http://www.heavencalled.com./

Memorial Contributions may be made in the name of Luke Hartley at Seacoast National Bank 1108 SE St. Lucie Blvd. Port St. Lucie,FL. in her memory.

SERVICES: A Celebration of her life will be held on Tuesday, March 17th at 7 PM at Hope Lutheran Church, Port St. Lucie with Pastor Jared Olson, officiating. Friends may visit at the church from 6-7 PM prior to the service.

Arrangements are entrusted to the care of Martin Funeral Home & Crematory, Stuart

This obituary appeared Saturday, March 14, 2009 in the St. Lucie News Tribune.

A New Journey Begins

Trini passed away peacefully Thursday, March 12 after a long and courageous battle with Breast Cancer.

A Celebration of Trini's life is planned for Tuesday, March 17 at 7pm at Hope Lutheran Church, 1750 Lennard Road, Port St Lucie, Florida . The family will receive friends one hour before the service.

As per Trini's wishes an account has been set up in Luke Hartley's name at Seacoast National Bank, 1108 SE Port St Lucie Blvd, Port St Lucie, Florida.

Trini also has made one personal request, "Please don't let anyone wear Pink to my funeral"

It has been a pleasure and and encouragement to Trini reading your comments. As we grieve our loss we would be honored if you would be willing to share 3 words you feel describe Trini.

Keep the Cards and Comments Coming !

On Saturday, Trini was able to go to Luke's baseball game. I am happy to say Luke's team won 8-1. It was an emotional and draining day but Trini would not have wanted to be any place else.

We are all enjoying reading your comments to Trini. She is encouraged by your thoughtfulness and the fond memories.

Moving Forward One Step at a Time

Trini had scans in February that indicated that the chemo she was on was not having a substantial effect on the cancer. This particular chemo was pretty brutal. After considering the options, Trini made a brave and difficult decision that has been weighing on her mind for some time. She has made the choice to move from treatment efforts to managing her pain and focusing on time with Brett, Luke, family and friends. Hospice is currently managing her symptoms.

As we make this adjustment, please understand that although we love all of our friends, visitors are a challenge. For the present time, Trini has asked for no visitors. We expect this to change and we will do our best to keep the blog updated with details about visits, calls and other needs.

Trini does love reading the comments left on this blog. Please consider sharing a common experience you've had with Trini or a funny story using the comment link below.

Luke's Biggest Fan - His Mom

Trini pulls together all her energy to support Luke at school and when he is on the ball field.

This is Trini and Luke on February 13th. Luke just finished walking in Redeemer Lutheran Schools annual Walkathon.

I took this picture while visiting from Michigan.
It was a beautiful, sunny morning in Florida.

Tami (One of Trini's sisters)

Sorry, its been so long...

I can't believe it has been so long since I have made an entry, I am so sorry. Things have been rough. I started out doing very well on the Ixempra but the last two have been brutal. I am not quite sure what we will do next, I have scans on February 18th so please keep us in your prayers. I have lost a bit more weight which really frightens me since I know I need all the strength I can to fight this but unfortunately on this chemo it just zaps everything out of me I am really unable to do much of anything. I don't have any one particular area of concern just weakness, so to say I am anxious about the scans would be an understatement but we are used to the wait and see. I don't know what alternative chemotherapy's there are for me right now and to be honest I think almost 3 years of chemo has really just done a job on me so we will leave it in God's hands as to what will be next.

Luke and Brett are doing great Luke is playing baseball, he made the A league this season and was asked to play on a travel league. Brett is coaching both and he is great at it the kids really enjoy him and he loves to be out there with them. I am very proud of both of them.

My mom, dad and sisters have been amazing through this challenge as always they come by, keep me company, clean, organize and cook for us. Which goes without saying is incredibly helpful. Tami was just here from Michigan we had nice weather for her and we even made it to the beach for a few hours. She made me a beautiful quilt which I love. While Tami is visiting she and Tori are quickly working on a quilt for Tori. Spring break is fast approaching and the Switzers will be coming in from Atlanta so we are all looking forward to their visit.

I promise to keep you all posted as to what next weeks results are as soon as I can again, please keep us in your prayers. We are going to get through this, after all I am surrounded by love, family and friends. The strength I feel from each of you is getting me through each day. Thank you for your continued notes, cards, prayers and support.